Siphon
by Finnhart
Summary: ONESHOT. Some people get a bit silly about their pets, and Seto Kaiba is no exception. Please R


**Author's Note** I just finished 'Open Ether', after a 3 month bout of creative apathy. Even thought it's 4.30am I don't want to waste the roll I'm on. Anyway, I'm obsessed with goldfish, had a lot of trouble keeping them alive, but now I have one quirky darling who is doing well, and I hope he stays with me for many years. So I thought I'd give Seto some goldfish too

**Disclaimer** I disclaim

**Warnings** It's recommended that you read 'OPEN ETHER' before this fic, even though 'SIPHON' is not strictly a sequel. 'CHOCOLATE MILK' and 'OPEN ETHER' will explain who Campion is.

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**One Shot**

**Siphon**

'No, I'm busy right now. Just fob them off with excuses – what? Well that's what I hired you for isn't it? _Goodbye, Gwen!'_

With a nasty snarl Seto clicked his mobile phone shut. He simply could not understand the stupidity of some people in the world. He rubbed his sinus between a thumb and forefinger, sensing a familiar ache building up. A sloshing sound came from the end of the corridor. He glanced towards it.

'I told you to wait, idiot!'

Campion had emerged from a doorway at the end of the corridor carrying a bucket of water with his mechanical right arm. Seto stormed over to him and took the bucket of water, only to splash half of it over his leg.

'Ugh, Campion!'

He set the bucket down, glaring hard at Campion, who seemed to want only to shrink into the floor. He said nothing. Seto grabbed the other mans mechanical arm and inspected it. The workings of it whirred and beeped; it was a highly sophisticated piece of machinery. Seto had developed it just for Campion, who had lost his right forearm in an assassination attempt, but he soon realised the potential of the technology and had created prototypes of left and right arms and legs to launch into specialist production in the medical world. He smirked and patted himself on the back. He was so clever. He soon went back to scowling at Campion.

'Although this gadget truly is testament to my astonishing level of brainpower Campion, I have not developed it to be water resistant. The invention of the silicone exterior is not my task; therefore you haven't got one yet. You can no longer assist me with this chore as you used to. At least, not for a few months.'

Campion's eyebrows flickered and it seemed as though a world's worth of rain was pouring over his sorry head. Seto frowned, frustrated by the solemn silence, almost infuriated that the old Campion had never quite returned after the assassination attempt five months ago, in which his arm and also his confidence had been torn ruthlessly away. Seto and Roland had recovered quickly, both aided by the support of their families, but as Seto had recently learned, Campion was very much alone in the way of family, all he had was a dog and the love of one animal can only bring so much strength.

Seto displayed a rare gesture of feeling as he placed a hand on Campion's shoulder and gently squeezed.

'I'm sorry, but you can't get this thing wet Campion. You can stay and watch though, if you'd like.'

Campion smiled weakly, and nodded. Seto wished he could hear the over-flowing enthusiasm shooting from his mouth once more, but he'd leave it up to Roland, who had hand-picked Campion to be his protégée, to sort the last few things out.

Seto picked the bucket up and crossed the landing to the spare bathroom and emptied the remaining water into the toilet. He went back into the room that Campion had emerged from and looked around.

'Which one were you doing?' he asked, the bite returning to his tone. Campion pointed to a tank on a handsome, pine stand.

'Yeah, I figured that one needs more attention. Were you going to do a 50 change?'

Campion nodded earnestly.

'Spotted anything wrong with them? Bottom-sitting? White spot?'

Campion shook his head.

'They're doing well, sir,' he said in his meek tone. 'Lots of algae though…'

Seto nodded in agreement. 'I'll leave that, it's not like they're display tanks or anything…'

Seto moved through the small room to the fish tank that Campion had pointed to. It was the largest of the three in the room, holding 60 gallons and five, shimmering goldfish.

'Hello babies!' Seto chimed, bending over to look at them properly. He fondly cast his watchful eye over every single one, lingering several moments longer on his favourite, a fat white one with a raspberry like crown on its head.

'That one is your favourite,' Campion said plainly.

'Yes Campion, this one is definitely my favourite… well, my favourite one in this tank anyway.'

Campion leaned in to look more closely at the fish. It was dancing at the front of the tank, following Seto's finger as he softly traced patterns on the glass.

'What's it called?'

Seto noticed that Campion had long since dropped the 'sir' from his speech, but made nothing of it. He wouldn't force Campion to act in specific ways until he was allowed back on duty, which wouldn't be anytime soon.

'I called her Berry, because her head looks like a raspberry.'

Campion smiled – it seemed as though he found Seto's answer somewhat amusing. The faint twitching at the corner of his lips flickered for a few moments until he appeared to have come to the end of a small train of thoughts, where his face broke into a full grin.

'Something funny, Campion?'

Campion looked up to find Seto glaring at him from beneath his fringe, still stooping in front of the large fish tank. Berry had abandoned her owner's finger at the glass in favour of the bubbling row of Greek columns.

Seto felt a twinge of guilt at the half-hidden fear in Campion's wide-eyes; he looked like a child caught with his fingers in the biscuit tin, knowing he had done something wrong – except Campion was innocent. Seto felt irritated with himself, and frowned deeper at how stupid it was to berate a broken man for smiling so genuinely, as Campion had just done.

He straightened, looking into the tank at the gleaming fish, idly gliding through the water like living jewels.

'Well,' he murmured, feeling slightly awkward as he noticed Campion retracting back into his shell of timidity. 'Let's get on with it then, if you'd just like to take that Campion…' He handed the end of a clear, rubber tube to Campion who fastened it into the bucket, whilst Seto held the other end, a battery powered siphon, and placed it into the fish tank, flicking it on as he did so.

They had emptied five buckets of water from the tank into the toilet. This only amounted to ten of the thirty gallons they had to change, and they still had two more tanks to attend to. Seto wiped his sticky brow, glaring at the bucket. He was not one for physical toil and he certainly didn't like feeling sweaty and bothered as he did now. He sighed and kicked at his trench coat, which he had disposed of in the middle of the floor. Usually it was he who simply stood by the bucket, making sure the water from the siphon didn't overspill, and Campion, who did all the bucket lugging and emptying whilst Seto cooed at his goldfish and discussed the custom dietary supplements he was giving them. _Bloodworms or brineshrimp?_ He would suggest to the air, as Campion would usually switch off and opt for a few nods and 'yeahs'. _Peas or broccoli do you think? I heard of someone giving them earthworms… Oh how about grapes?_

'Urgh, Campion, this is taking _forever! _I love my fish, but I have things to do!'

Seto scowled and crossed his arms in a huff, moodily eyeing the silly little bucket with half a mind to kick it out of the room and all the way down the stairs, but he decided against it.

'We could get a bigger bucket?' Campion offered.

Seto gazed at him, and for a fleeting moment he thought he saw the look of disbelief that usually preceded a rant about unnecessary displays of stupidity and statements of obviousness. But much to his relief Seto nodded slowly, his eyes flickering upwards as he processed the suggestion.

'Yes…' he muttered slowly. And without an explaination he darted from the room and thundered down the stairs. Campion stared after him, somewhat bewildered, when he heard steps over the gravel outside. He shuffled over to the window to see who it was, only to be met with the sight of Seto, skittering ridiculously around the stable yard to the right, scurrying in and out of various tack rooms and storage sheds, no doubt looking for a big container. Campion felt himself smile widely when Seto nearly bowled into a small, black-haired stable lad who was weighed down beneath a heavy saddle.

The window was open a slight crack, and Campion heard snippets of Seto's rant wafting up the three stories to his ears.

'_Stupid boy... hopeless…… idiotic dunderhead…… go and find the biggest bucket……or loose your job…!' _

Despite the unfairness of the outburst Campion smiled wider yet. It was the boy from the nightmarish country manor where the assassination attempt had taken place. Seto had described what happened when he had woken up after his abduction and in detail relayed the interaction between the hulking monster of a man that had attacked them, killing two of Seto's long-standing bodyguards, and the strange, stringy dark-eyed boy.

The boy seemed to be a bizarre mix between a captive and pet, and as Seto, Roland and Campion zoomed away from their nightmare in the _K4IBA1_ limo the boy appeared by the side of the road weak and shivering, but resolute at the same time. Seto had ordered the vehicle to a screeching halt, and without a single word allowed the silent boy into the back of the limo, where he sat for the remainder of the journey, thoroughly disturbing Campion with his wide, blank stare.

Since then the boy had been taught a few necessary aspects of living in a civilized world (such as the use of cutlery and proper toilets) and was trained to work in the stables, where his silent, honest nature allowed him to function exceedingly efficiently beside the horses. Though despite everyone's best efforts, including Seto's, the boy refused to speak a single word. Campion had his suspicions that the boy spoke to the horses, but he refused to voice this, in case Seto went out of his way and placed recording devices in the stables to reach a conclusion_. If the boy didn't want to speak, then better to let him be,_ thought Campion.

Finally the boy emerged from one of the stable with a hefty, purple bucket. Seto took it with a nod and hurried back inside. Campion moved to his previous position away from the window, listening to his masters thundering footfalls as he raced back upstairs.

Finally Seto burst back into the room, panting slightly, and raised the container aloft.

'Bucket!' he declared importantly, as if he had just retrieved a magical remedy for a poisoned soul. Campion nodded, with a faint smile. He knew that later on Seto would be patting himself on the back for thinking up the idea of using a bigger bucket, but like everyone who had anything to do with Seto Kaiba, he decided against commenting on the young CEOs less than commendable traits.

'Here Campion, take that and hold the siphon tube in it, _not with your mechanical arm,_ you _bollard…'_

Campion did as he was told, and they waited for the bucket to fill to the top, which took a fair while.

'There,' muttered Seto, switching the siphon off and looking into the water. 'I'd say that's about six gallons, we'll have this done in no time Campion…'

He bent to lift the bucket of water up, but no avail. He was far too heavy for him. He straightened quickly, his cheeks flushing with unwanted embarrassment. Campion offered to pick it up his mechanical arm, but Seto quickly explained that it was too heavy even or that and he would only succeed in ripping the delicate wiring from his very flesh.

Instead Seto decided to slide the bucket over the floor, bending down and pulling it by the handle. It was a difficult task, for Seto wasn't nearly as strong as he looked to be, and soon he was panting heavily. It was clearly too difficult for his liking, and Campion felt awkward to witness his master going through with such an uncharacteristic toil.

'Nearly there –'

He gave the bucket an almighty heave in an attempt the shift it over the threshold of the door, but pulled on the handle too hard.

_SNAP! _

He had tugged so enthusiastically that he had pulled the handle off the bucket all together; the container had bucked and a great swathe of dirty tank water splashed between his legs. He shrieked as the cold water hit him in the crotch and he tumbled backwards, landing in an unceremonious heap on the floor of the landing, his head hitting the floor with a painful, dull _thud._

'_Nii-sama!_ What on earth are you doing?'

Seto cracked open an eyelid, and through his blurred vision saw a mop of unruly black hair and wide, grey eyes.

'Moku…burrrghh' Seto scrunched his face up, humiliated to the core, his legs awkwardly tense with the water seeping uncomfortably into his black trousers.

'Nii-sama, why are you using that bucket?'

Seto peered at him, feeling slightly dizzy. Mokuba didn't wait for a reply, and nimbly leapt over his brother's fallen form, swept past Campion who was desperately trying to control his laughter, to the cabinet where the aquarium supplies were kept. He opened the door and pulled out a non-descript bag.

'Why aren't you using the new siphon Roland got?'

'…New…Siphon…?'

'Yeah, he got a custom one made with a tube that's long enough to reach the loo – in fact,' he muttered in after-thought as he took the new siphon out of the bag, 'I guess you could just put out the window and drain the water into the gutter, that might have worked with the old siphon actually…'

Mokuba looked up, wondering at his brother's silence.

'Nii-sama? Didn't Roland tell you about the new siphon?'

'_New…_ sssssiphon…' he hissed from his position on the floor.

'Yeah, I take it he didn't tell you?'

There was a pregnant hush.

'_ROLAND!'_

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**Author's Note** Hahahah. Seto was a bit kooky in this one; I guess he took a pretty bad knock to the head during that assassination attempt. Hope you liked! This was a really random one, and I don't think it's that good, but I love goldfish so much and I love Seto so much, I had to put them together at some point!

Please review or Seto will tie you up with siphon tubing and drown you in a bucket!


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